I'm All Grown Up

...that's me in high school

While waiting inside the passenger seat of a taxi cab heading home, random thoughts entered my mind. I was very tired then from a 10pm to 10am shift --3 hours of OT and an hour lunch. I was on the verge of falling asleep, something I don't like doing in a public utility vehicle for fear of the unknown. During those times, I got into questioning myself why I took that OT, which led to questioning why I have to work.

Before, when I was still in school, everything seemed to be too easy. Being born with a capability to retain information and solve problems analytically, schoolwork became a piece of cake. I was even more concerned about the people I'll get to mingle with during my time at school than a test or recitation if there were any. I had serious inferiority complex issues but I managed to conceal it by being kikay. I still get good grades without anything on my notes provided I listen to the lesson taught by the teacher. And then, when it's time to pass the notebooks as projects, I don't mind writing all of my classmates' notes down in one sitting. The biggest problems going on in that phase of my life was dealing with my family and not having too much money...or so I thought.

And then I messed up. I stopped school...got pregnant...baby died...acquired debts...People said I blew everything I had ahead of me. Little did they knew, I just intended to get away from everything else in the back stage.

Times tried me when I rebelled. But I kept myself from questioning because I have always believed that it's me who makes things happen. I took responsibility for everything. I may have lost a lot, but I can say I'm back in the game.

I may not have that pre-baby body that I wasn't even too happy about back in college...I may not have finished that BS Psychology degree at UST...I may not have a nice car, a huge savings account, an envy worthy make-up and beauty products stash, an updated wardrobe, a mom in the US and a to die for career. But I DO have Drew and Ella, my mom is with me here in the Philippines, and my family members are more open to the reality that was going on around us. And because of all these, plus a lot more, I am still blessed.

And then I realized that the fact I was able think of all that...that I was able to think about what will happen if I don't work...that I'm able to spend my hard earned money on things that matter most...and that I was able to set all of me aside and putting my loved ones in front...I figured that I have all grown up. I'm an adult! --with more serious problems and lesser options. Maybe that's the reason I jeer at Ian and Drew's little siblings when they complain about school, and "everything" going on around them.

Love lots,