I'm sure we all noticed something wrong with our husbands. And in as much as we want to voice them out, we shy away because of the thought of what he would feel. Or sometimes, we did let them out but it caused a sort of gap in the relationship...
So how can we really let them know? Let me count my ways:
1. Course it through a letter. Even when you think you can always tell hubby in the face, it's sometimes better that he reads them first. By avoiding conversation for the meantime, it allows him to contemplate and not be defensive of what it was you wrote. Be sure you it's detailed and you write it with loving words. Then when he's ready, he will either engage in conversation with you or respond with a letter. Either way, it already avoided unnecessary shouting and fighting.
2. Sugar coat it. Not like you should beat around the bush, but positive scripting works wonders in all relationships. You may first higlight the wonderful things about him and then provide the criticism as something you have just been noticing recently. A little praise sets a calm disposition and gives the impression that the bad thing isn't that great of a deal for you. However, make sure both of you come up with a resolution.
3. Do a self check. Inform your husband how much you understand how he feels whenever you do the negative things you do and then tell him how you feel regarding the negative things he does. This way, he'll think that it's ok to err sometimes because everyone does, and that you're talking about it because you want it fixed and not because you're pointing fingers.
4. Calm yourself down. If the negative thing you noticed made you upset, never EVER lay down anything when you're mad. It only makes matters worse because anger is contagious. Especially if your voice is going up, your husband, wanting to be heard, would also raise his voice. And another thing about being mad is that your mind doesn't select the right words to say. Keep in mind that something said can never be unsaid. Hurtful words would leave wounds on both your hearts which may affect your relationship.
5. Seize the moment. If you see something you didn't like and you're not angry about it, then say it right away. You can even make a joke out of it! Don't wait until you see several instances of it and do the confrontation when you've had enough. It wouldn't be too big for both of you the first time, but a pot full of boiling water would definitely be hurt went spilt.
Well...that's as much as I think I used on Drew. How about you, got other tactics in blurting out negative information? Please share them here!
your every woman,
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